#35 Let's talk about sex: On Chesil Beach by Ian McEwan

This week I read a book about sex and I think it was a really important read. Ian McEwan's 2007 book is a mere 203 pages but it left me contemplative. It's the story of a married couple on their wedding night and I found the writing to be elegant, tactful, and even classy.

The year is 1962 and the location is England. The two main characters, Florence and Edward, are young and very much in love. They are both virgins on this night of nights and both sides have expectations for how their love will be consummated. Unfortunately, due to circumstances both inside and outside their control, things don't go as expected for either side. I could say more, but I'd rather you read it. I'm not calling it a "must read," but I do recommend it. I wish I could go back in time to have my 15 year old virgin self read it and discuss it.

A quick note on the writing before we get to the sex: McEwan writes with such seeming ease but he must work hard to make sentences sound so effortless. It's a simple setting, a handful of characters, 3rd person narration, and then he deftly weaves in a bit of social/political commentary to balance it all out. The words float by like a summer breeze right up until they bowl you over in a gust of emotion. The final two pages left me nearly in tears and had me reflecting on my marriage.

Ok, I promised sex and now I am going to deliver. The crux of the book is that this is their first time and I found so much of it relatable. Men and women bring different fears, needs, and expectations to the bed. The sexual experience is so different for each individual and it is difficult and probably even impossible to understand exactly how the other is feeling. For a couple of virgins on their wedding night, it may be difficult to express how you feel because you don't know how you feel or don't know how to put it in words. Thoughts of marital duty or obligation could override more sensitive needs. Preconceptions of what should happen could create unrealistic expectations.

It's hard to cover it all when it comes to sex education. There's just so much to talk about! The mechanics, for starters, and then there are the religious aspects, how to get pregnant, how not to get pregnant, and the emotional and psychological aspects on top of it all! I'm glad I came across this well written piece of fiction and expect it will aid future discussions with my sons.

Have you read On Chesil Beach? If so I'd like to hear your thoughts.

Finally, a quick plug: If you want to read Tolstoy's War and Peace next year (and who wouldn't) my friend Jeremy Anderberg is doing a Big Read virtual book club with weekly reading assignments and complementary newsletters and interviews. Find more information here.

Thanks for reading!
Kyle