#46: Know My Name by Chanel Miller

"Resist the instinct to turn away."

Published 2019 | 368 pages
Tags: Non-fiction, Memoir, True Crime

The bite-size version of this review is that this book is amazing. I was inspired by it. If you don’t have time to read the whole book, I recommend you read or watch Ms. Miller’s Victim Impact Statement. She is a skilled writer and she eloquently and effectively shares her story in that statement.

I also recommend the audiobook. It is read by the author and hearing her voice, which became emotional at times, was moving.

And now, the full-length review.

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Adjacent Media

A few weeks ago I watched a very disturbing movie, a work of fiction, called Promising Young Woman. In the opening scenes of the movie, a young woman at a club appears to be almost too drunk to stand and a nice-looking young man offers to take her home. Instead of escorting her to safety, he takes her to his apartment where he places her on his bed and starts kissing her. She’s clearly out of it and in slurred speech is asking “What’re you doing…no…what’re you doing…” to which he responds “Sshhh, it’s ok, it’s ok. You’re safe.” He eventually gets her underwear off at which point the woman sits up and in a clear, sober voice says “WHAT ARE YOU DOING?”

Turns out, she’s not drunk at all.

I thought about that scene as I read Chanel Miller’s memoir Know My Name.

On a January night in 2015, Ms. Miller actually was nearly too drunk to stand and the “nice-looking” guy succeeded in getting her underwear off and his fingers inside her. She would not be sitting up, lucid, calling him out and making him feel a fool. She woke up in a hospital bed with no memory of the assault.

The next four years were a roller coaster. She decided to press charges and the case got a ton of media attention. The trial was a living hell, but the assailant was convicted. After 3 months in jail, he was released. Her victim impact statement went viral and the judge who presided at trial was recalled, but then a man caught on camera bragging about sexual assault with no consequences became the 45th President of the United States. She published her memoir to wide acclaim.

How did it impact me?

This was a heavy journey and many parts were unpleasant. Ms. Miller doesn’t sugarcoat things. She is a complex and flawed human being. She writes with sincerity and honesty and doesn’t try to present herself inauthentically. She pours her whole, complicated self onto the pages.

There is so much more that I want to say and talk about! Maybe someday I’ll know how to express it all. I mostly feel gratitude that her voice has been magnified in this way. It was a wake up call.

Also, God bless Peter Jonsson and Carl Arndt! These guys saw a boy on an unconscious girl on the ground and knew instinctively something was wrong. They chased, tackled, and held down the assailant until police arrived. BE THE SWEDES is a new family motto.

In closing, my friend Shelby who I deeply respect and admire had this to say:

I remember so clearly hearing the story of the Stanford Rapist. As it happened in 2016, I found myself following along, disturbed again and again by a culture that continues to offer grace to men while giving absolutely none to their victims. I was horrified for Jane Doe (as she was referred to at the time) and wondered in my own insecurities how one could move forward after such a miscarriage of justice. 

Another life ruined, I thought. 

And while it’s true something was broken — and it remains unfair that women must not only survive abuse but overcome it — this book is a stunning condemnation of anyone who would paint Chanel Miller as only Brock Turner’s victim. 

She shares her name for the first time in this memoir, then proceeds to give so much more. It is a transcendent indictment of rape culture and the justice system while proving to the world she has value. She has a voice. And she contains multitudes.

That’s it for me this week. I’d love to hear your thoughts.

Kyle