#128: How to Connect by Thich Nhat Hanh

On red lights being our friends and being tied up in knots

Happy Friday readers,

Last weekend we had a life-giving visit from our dear friends the Casey’s. We shared meals, went on a hike, visited the Boulder Bookstore, and had discussions on parenting and mindfulness.

Prior to their visit, we all decided we’d read How to Connect by Thich Nhat Hanh and discuss it when we were together. It was the perfect pick.

One of our favorite lines from the book was something we all needed to hear:

When we see a red light or stop sign, we can smile and say thank you, because it’s helping us reconnect with ourselves and the present moment. The red light is our friend.

The next time you are caught in traffic, don’t fight. If you sit back and smile to yourself, you will enjoy the present moment and make everyone in the car relaxed and happy.

This quickly became a mantra for the 8 of us as we drove around Boulder together on a sunny Saturday morning. The traffic was horrible, so we sat back and started hoping the lights would turn red so that we could smile and say thank you and breathe and reconnect. The stop lights were more than happy to oblige us. Eventually we realized it was game day and the University of Colorado was playing longtime rival Nebraska. When we made it to our hiking spot at long last, the screams from the stadium accompanied us on our walk.

The thing I'm most grateful for with this book is giving me new language to talk about the past and some of the hurt that lives there. It isn't trauma, not for me. It's more like knots that need to be untangled.

Some of us cannot think about our father or mother without feeling anger or sadness. The suffering we experience as children accumulates and forms blocks of pain, anger, and frustration in our consciousness that tie us up and obstruct our freedom. These internal knots have the power to drive us and dictate our behavior.

I sometimes wonder if trauma is a bit overused today and applied to everything bad or sad that has ever happened to us. It’s so prevalent that I started doing the same thing. This book helped me realize that I can use other words that fit me better and I can leave trauma to those who have truly experienced it.

On a lighter note, I can't think about being tied up inside without thinking about the scene from What about Bob?, the classic Bill Murray film, where Bob is literally tied up with bombs around his neck and proclaims: “Baby step, untie your knots.”¹

Thich Nhat Hanh has an entire series of books that I’m interested in checking out. I’m curious if they will start sounding repetitive or if each will be the breath of fresh air that How to Connect was.

Thanks for reading! Until next time,

Kyle

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1. Here’s the scene, but I recommend checking out the entire movie if you haven’t yet.